Never make a sandwich with mustard on it before you have to go somewhere important. You will end up with mustard on your shirt.
Global Warming does not exist in Utah. Snow in October? Really Al Gore?
Refrain from falling asleep in class (or other public places) because you will most likely wake up passing gas. People around you will act oblivious. But they know what just happened.
If you think a test takes 30 minutes, give yourself an hour. They turn the lights off in the testing center at 10:00pm on the dot.
Facebook stalking in public places is never a good idea. You might be stalking the person sitting next to you.
Tony's Frozen Pizza's taste better at 9:00pm than they do at 3:00pm. But no matter what time you eat it, there are still 1232 calories in it.
Sometimes doing laundry at a laundromat is nice. You can do six loads of laundry in the same time it takes you to do one.