Homophones don't typically mean the same thing but right now weight and wait have a similar meaning to me.
I started a new dose of anti-thyroid medication for my graves disease. Turns out one of the biggest symptoms is weight gain. I knew that before I started and decided that I would take it, adjust my thyroid, go to the gym 5-6 days a week and track all my food intake on myfitnesspal.com. I embarked on a Biggest Loser Competition with friends back home via the internet which included weigh-ins, measurements and before pictures. At this point I wouldn't mind if my before pictures were now my after pictures.
|(Disclaimer: the scar on my stomach is from my kidney removal)|
Drew already wearing Christmas pajamas back in September
And now I am a mental case. Looking to buy a parasite. Not leaving the house cause no clothes fit. Not wanting to buy clothes until I lose weight. I even took a pregnancy test to try and wrap my head around my growing middle. But alas, I don't have a uterus which makes that option nearly impossible. I got a rid of a lot of my larger clothes as a way to emotionally get over the fact that I wouldn't be pregnant again, and now I really need those clothes back. (my thoughts: If I can't get pregnant, I'll at least try to have a great body)
Drew saw me taking my tiny white pill and asked "are you sick?" and I said no. Then he said "why do you take that medicine?" ...I told him it's to just make me feel a little better and I realized how observant kids are at this age. I walked over and put our scale into the closet so that he wouldn't see me get on every morning and get off in disappointment and remember his mom as a crazy lady.
My doctor says weight... I mean wait. And that waiting game is hard. I've been frustrated with my lack of results which has turned into a lack of motivation. But I am hoping to have this thyroid thing all figured out in the next few months and then I can focus on the minor things (weight) and slowly become a bit less psychotic.
Last week I was standing in front of the mirror and I had Claire wrapped around one leg and Drew wrapped around the other and realized they don't care if my thighs measure 20inches or 200inches. They don't see physical flaws that I might see or use to compare myself with others. They just see their mom.
So with that, we're off to the gym.
I'm going to wait, and while I'm weighting I might eat a pumpkin cookie or two.